How can you make sure that you're not just hopping from one algae-covered stepping stone to the next algae-covered stepping stone, ever destined (if not now then eventually, anyhow) to slip and get your jeans soaked and muddy up to your thigh? That you're not just reading the directions to be directly directed in the right direction?
What I mean is, am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing or what I am meant to be doing? There's a huge f***ing difference between the two. And the ambitiously naive part of my worried little head is tugging on the bottom of my skirt, hiding behind my legs at the supermarket, asking if it can have this or if it can have that. And I want to tell this part of me that it can have whatever it wants. "Yes, you can have Froot Loops and not the generic bagged brand. Yes, you can get that Hello Kitty alarm clock, yes you can have a Hershey's bar, yes you can have those cheap and tacky sunglasses on the plastic rack by the batteries." And so on.
But instead, I'm leaning down and saying, "I'm sorry honey... maybe next time?"
And this extended metaphor... which is getting creepier as I think about it... what I really mean by it is...
Why are books at the Coop so goddamn expensive??????
I just want to take nice classes, Harvard. Why must you deny me this? Is it my fault that Interracial Literature has nine books ($181.27)... or that Historical Studies A-14 has a 70 dollar coursepack that looks like something my elementary school teacher put together? Honestly, its plastic-spiral bound, with a construction paper cover. Sensational. I was so worried about getting a full refund on my books because of my previous experience with those skinflinty scrooges that I showed a little cleavage to the cashier (he turned out to be gay, go fig'). See the new lows I have been brought to for the pursuit of an education? See the desperation?
And while I shuck and jive for course materials, I can't help but trip on the irony that I may have made it into an amazing school... but still can't even afford to do my homework. When you get called on in section I doubt a suitable answer would be, "I'm sorry, I'm just too po' to tell you what Emile Durkheim said about that."
In all seriousness though, the problem with college is that the scholarly education comes from only what is within your means. I know this is a little heavier than my usual outfit-posting and and rants about advertising, but its true enough for me to be a little downhearted. And while I'm shopping for courses saying, "Wow, this class sounds awesome! Look at all the amazing and important readings and shit!" I'm really going to end up saying, "Wow, this class sounded awesome... but look at all the readings...shit."
